Ultimate Love Token

Some enchanted evening

I walked into your life.

You looked at me with longing,
As you struggled with strife.

Back then that was the way,
The way the Father had planned:

Do your best day by day,

For you a sacrifice will stand.
 

But you captivated me,

The Prince of Heaven.

And you needed to be free;

Your torment, to death driven.
 

So I took your place,

My body brutally broken.

The cross I embraced,

The ultimate love token.
 

Now this is our love story:

Together we share the victory!

All Things

God is good. All the time. He kind of took over my night and I haven't slept much - good thing I can sleep in today... Anyway, tonight/last night as I was trying to go to bed the Holy Spirit reminded me that I had wanted to look through an old journal for a particular entry to help me with a message I'm planning for our teen girls later this summer. Well, I got a little wrapped up in reading page after page - this journal is about six years old, but it's full of notes from amazing sermons and some interesting life decisions as I was finishing my senior year in college. Anyway, I came across this entry from March 1, 2007 and the truth of who God is hit me so hard I was bawling! I love the way it reads as I wrote it, so I've posted a pic of the handwritten entry. But, as my handwriting can get sketchy when I'm journaling, I've also typed it exactly as it's written here:

Romans 8:38 & 39
All things are pulling me... I'm drawn to some and repelled by others, I'm ripped into a million pieces and scattered all over the things in my world. People demand, time wastes, my body destroys... all things seem to work against me. As I fly into a storm, into the breathless sky, I am wallowing in a deep pit of despair and know not the meaning of light!
But, oh there are good things too... beauty peace and rest. Glory of a job well done, the love of friends & family, the promise of heaven in the end. Chocolate and sleep, a great book; the feeling of your presence! Oh God, you are mighty and lovely and pure! And even as I am stretched like a rubber band at the brink of snapping; or a spider web so heavy delicate the spider would break it... you love even me! Thank you God, you love me!
                                  neither height---->                 nor depth
You are the sunrise & the sunset, you are the stars & the moon. You are the height & the depth, the east and the west, the north and the south. You are the earth and the sun, you are breath and water, fire and ice, war & peace, adrenaline & rest. Hope and faithfulness, joy and gladness... discipline and praise, blessing and consequence... You are all these things, you are ALL THINGS! AND MORE!! You are love and love is EVERYTHING TO ALL THINGS... it is a power we cannot fathom, a power that surrounds us, even when we feel deserted. Because, nothing, NO THING!! can separate us from love... from YOU!

EASTER 2013!

He is Risen! He is Risen INDEED!!

As we celebrated His resurrection today we focused on Mary Magdalene's experience at the Tomb. Now I've always felt a connection to the Mary who followed Jesus, both the sister of Martha and Mary Magdalene. Of course I thought that Mary Magdalene was the woman who washed and annoited Jesus' feet with her tears and expensive perfume, but I have recently learned that that woman is unnamed and believed to be a different Mary now anyway. Either way, I know that Mary Magdalene knew Jesus as an intimate friend who delivered her from seven demons (Mark 16:9). She stayed with Him at the cross well after all His male disciples but John had left. And she was the first to see Him resurrected! I love this story! In fact, a few years back I wrote a rendition of this story as though I took her place. It opened my eyes to the intimate moment when Jesus calls her by name and she recognizes Him for who He is! I imagine she ran to Him, fell to His feet, and began hugging His legs - an image that His words almost confirm when He said, "Don't cling to me!" Anyway, here's my rendition of John 20:11-18:

I woke with a start, I knew immediately that I needed to go to Jesus and pray. I threw on my tunic and headed toward His tomb. I still could not believe He was gone, I guess the impact of His death had not fully struck me. When I arrived at His tomb I was stunned to see the stone rolled away and no one standing guard! I stepped into the dark, dank cave and saw only the cloth He had been wrapped within. Who would do such a thing?! Who would not only steal away into my Lord’s tomb, but strip Him of His burial garments and take His body elsewhere?! I ran quickly to tell the disciples of this desecration and soon found two. I told them that someone had taken our Lord from His tomb and left only His robes, I told them I didn’t know where they possibly could have put Him. We headed straight back to the tomb and the disciples entered and found the linen and burial cloth folded separately and believed that He was gone, not yet knowing that He must have risen from the dead. They left to tell the others, but I stayed behind.

My grief was suddenly too much to handle and I began to weep and longed to be close to Jesus, so I bent into the tomb. I was instantly blinded by two beautiful and magnificent angels. They asked why I was crying and I told them that my Lord had been taken from His tomb, that I did not know where He was. With this I turned and saw a man I did not recognize. He also asked why I was crying, who I was looking for. I thought that he was the gardener and might know where my master was; so I told him to tell me if he knew, that I would bring Him back by myself if I had to! But the man looked at me in a familiar way and said, “Jessica." And I knew it was Him, I cried out to him, "Teacher!" and grasped Him around the middle. He had risen; I knew at once that He was back and alive forever! That I would never have to go looking for Him again, because He is always with me!! But He told me to go and tell the others that He was returning to His father and ours, to His God and ours. So I went at once and told the others this great news!

Day 6 of Holy Week: In the Waiting...

I run to you when I need love,
I run to you when I feel alone,
I run to you when I've nowhere else,
When my lips need kissed,
When my future lover's missed,
When my knees are weak
And my heavy heart's sick.
You are all I seek
All I need;
You are the only one
Who can really help.
Help me as I long to express
A love I've yet to know,
A love I can't wait to see grow!
Waiting...
That's the hard part.
Fill me with your love
And give me strength & patience
As time seeks to tear my heart.

Day 5 of Holy Week: Good Friday

So this year we had another Service of Darkness to commemorate Good Friday. The only light in the sanctuary came from candles lining our altars and centered in front of a cross adorned with a whip, a bag of 30 silver pieces, three large nails, a sign in Hebrew, a crown of thorns, and palm branches. We listened as passages were read and songs about the cross and Jesus' sacrifice were played, taking us from the table at the Last Supper, to the Garden of Gethsemane, to the Courts, and finally to Golgotha. With each passage/song combo a candle was extinguished, making the darkness more present, ever heavier. And finally the candle in front of the cross was covered with a glass topper and we watched as the fire died out. Now, I was tired after a long day at work and I was distracted off and on by the people around me, but as I watched that candle dim from exhaustion I was overwhelmed by sorrow over Christ's suffering for me. And just as the candle went dark, pastor ended service with, "Easter is coming, but for now, go home. Jesus is dead."

That statement stuck in my head and my heart for the night... Jesus is dead. Praise God that He rose again, but He died first. And I can only imagine the anguish His followers felt as the hope He created was questioned by His death! It's so easy for us to forget or breeze by the fact that He died because we live in His resurrection daily; in fact just after this service a large group of us went to dinner and laughed and fellowshiped together. And there's nothing wrong with that, but I sometimes wonder if we avoid the thought of His death because of our part in it - He had to die for us or we could never call God Father. Maybe it's because I'm an artist, and I've been told we are often more deeply effected by sorrow and loss, but I've always been completely heartbroken over His death. I cannot go to a Good Friday service or watch a depiction of Jesus on the cross without becoming overcome with emotion and tears. Of course, I know that I'm not the only one and that we cannot forget that He rose to give us life; I just want to remember His sacrifice and how deeply He suffered to free us from our sin!

Day 4 of Holy Week: Our Part

Our youth pastor started a study of the book of James last night. Now, James can be a tough book as it is very much about not just saying and believing, but doing. James is the one who told us "Faith without works is dead," after all. This goes back to what we were learning at Youth-a-Rama - it's a daily sacrifice. We cannot just say we are free from sin now that we know Christ, we must start living a life that proves we are free from sin! And how often do we share stories about what we've seen? Whether it's a movie, an awesome play during a football game, or a public marriage proposal, we love to share the experiences that move us to admiration and joy. So, why are we not sharing about the love and grace of Christ?! Why are we not shouting from the rooftops about His free gift of salvation and how to get it? This is what I think James was getting at, he wants us to live lives so wrapped up in Christ that it's only natural to lead others to Him. And that is my prayer not only for myself, but for our youth, and for you today.

I need your help again!

Well, I told them to go forward with my application as one for Leadership & Ministry training. I decided to go with this idea because I do still feel called to Australia and they actually have a Youth elective that I could focus on. So because I am going forward with the application, I wanted to promote my crowd funding site today - I could really use some help paying for tuition and fees, along with the costs of getting over there (like a student visa and plane ticket). And, unfortunately, I have not had much luck with scholarships yet. Anyway, here's a link to my GoFundMe page, please look it over and contribute, even if it's just your prayers.

http://www.gofundme.com/all-things-are-possible

Day 3 of Holy Week: Another hurdle

I finally heard back about my audition! They did not accept it, so now I have a couple of options: allow my application to go through for the Leadership & Ministry stream of study and, while taking those classes, take some voice lessons and re-audition for Worship Leadership in person next year; take the next six months or so to take voice lessons here at home and re-audition over video again while seriously saving up; or change my course of action altogether - find a full time job here in Texas, look for work in NYC, go back to school for business training... It's tough because I still feel led out there, but I never saw myself as a minister/pastor so the idea of studying to be one is a little frightening, no matter how long and intense the training (the first year is more just about equipping you for your calling, whatever that may be). But, this could just be another hurdle on my path as a Worship Leader as I have no formal training and have been wanting to pursue some anyway. Please pray for me as I try to decide what course of action to take. My only hope and desire is to be in His will wherever I go, whatever I do.

Day 2 of Holy Week: His Promise for More

As a twenty-eight year old, single woman who's never even been kissed, I often struggle with my longing for a husband, for someone to love and be loved by. This desire always makes me think of the promise in Psalm 37:4: "Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you your heart’s desires." So, as my emotions spilled onto the page I was reminded of His promise to answer that longing!

Promise for More
How can my lips know the feel of those they've never touched?
How can my jaw miss fingers that have never lingered there?
And why does my hair desire hands that have never run though?

Oh Lord, you are enough!
But this testifies your promise for more.
This deep desire is part of my being;
In fact, I know it's your doing.
You placed this desire in my heart,
I pray for patience as I wait
For my love to finally play his part.

Day 1 of Holy Week: Faith vs. Feeling

The other day when I was looking at quotes about sacrifice, I came across a great one by Elisabeth Elliot about faith... On this Monday morning, when I'm still waiting for an answer about my application to school in Sydney, I'll leave you with that one and few more about faith versus feelings.

"Faith is not an instinct. It certainly is not a feeling - feelings don't help much when you're in the lions' den or hanging on a wooden Cross. Faith is not inferred from the happy way things work. It is an act of will, a choice, based on the unbreakable Word of a God who cannot lie, and who showed us what love and obedience and sacrifice mean, in the person of Jesus Christ." - Elisabeth Elliot

"Though our feelings come and go, God's love for us does not." - CS Lewis

"You should not believe your conscience and your feelings more than the word which the Lord who receives sinners preaches to you." - Martin Luther

"All the great temptations appear first in the region of the mind and can be fought and conquered there. We have been given the power to close the door of the mind. We can lose this power through disuse or increase it by use, by the daily discipline of the inner man in things which seem small and by reliance upon the word of the Spirit of truth. It is God that worketh in you, both to will and to do of His good pleasure. It is as though He said, 'Learn to live in your will, not in your feelings.'" - Amy Carmichael

"But when the cross is working deeply a believer comes to know himself. He realizes how undependable are his ideas, feelings and desires." - Watchman Nee

Lent, Day 40: Hosana! Hosana!!

Jesus' arrival to Jerusalem, in the midst of an enormous crowd, on a donkey, with palm branches spread before Him, is often referred to as the triumphant entry. I love this description! It implies that He's already won the victory, that He knew what was coming and didn't hesitate on the way in, that, though He was human, He had the faith to go where He knew He wasn't welcome. What an amazing amount of faith that must of taken! I cannot imagine not only entering a place where I knew people were plotting my death, but, once there, over turning tables and rebuking their behavior! What a testimony to us as well - we are to do this in every day life; we are to over turn people's lifestyles and help Him expose and teach them; He asked us to tell them about a different way to live, a way full of love and grace, His way!!

Lent, Day 39: Sacrifice

Yesterday's post has me thinking about sacrifice. His was so great, so powerful, and all He asks in return is that we live like Him, accepting His love and help, and trusting that His Word is truth and His will is what's best for us! Yes this requires a daily sacrifice on our part, we must allow our wishes and the wishes of the world around us to die so that His will may reign in our life and in our hearts, but it seems a small price to pay. Anyway, here are some great quotes about sacrifice:

"Such was God's original love for man that He was willing to stoop to any sacrifice to save him; and the gift of a Saviour was the mere expression of that love."  - Albert Barnes

"Unless we are willing to pay the price, and sacrifice time and attention and what appear legitimate or necessary duties, for the sake of the heavenly gifts we need not look for a large experience of the power of the heavenly world in our work." - Andrew Murray

"If Jesus Christ be God and died for me, then no sacrifice can be too great for me to make for Him." - C.T. Studd

"If a commission by an earthly king is considered an honor, how can a commission by a Heavenly King be considered a sacrifice?" - David Livingston

"Discipline, for the Christian, begins with the body. We have only one. It is this body that is the primary material given to us for sacrifice. We cannot give our hearts to God and keep our bodies for ourselves." - Elisabeth Elliot

"Don't ever think that there are many ways to the Divine. Jesus is the one qualified mediator, the only qualified sacrifice, and the only qualified savior." - Erwin Lutzer

Lent, Day 38: Reasons to Celebrate!

So, today is my sister's birthday, and I love celebrating her life and loving on her. In fact, her birthday, so close to Psalm Sunday, got me thinking about another birthday we all celebrate... I love that Christmas and Easter are so connected. You would not, could not have one without the other. And the idea of celebrating Christ's birth without recognizing His death and resurrection astounds me. But so many people do this - they give gifts and light trees in December, but barely flinch as the weather changes and chocolate bunnies appear. Then you have the people who think Easter is about coloring and hunting eggs and eating candy, when it's so much more than that!! We're celebrating Christ's life on Easter as much as we are on Christmas, for without His innocent life we would still be bound to the law. Because of His sacrifice we are made right and connected to the Father on a level the law could never achieve! And because He overcame death and hell, we are given the authority and power to overcome them as well! What amazing reasons to celebrate!!

Lent, Day 37: God is good... All the time!

So, I usually read the Word before bed, but the past couple of nights I’ve been extra tired and skipped that part of my routine. When I did this last night I knew it was the wrong thing to pass over, I knew He wanted to speak to me, but I didn’t even last long enough to pray – I was out like a light! However, God is good, ALL the time!! He wanted to speak to me through His Word and today as I skimmed my Facebook newsfeed I came across these three verses among my friend's updates and they touched my heart as they reminded me of His faithful, loving heart for me! I am so grateful to have such an awesome God whose Word is so alive!!

Yet I still dare to hope when I remember this: The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning. - Lamentations 3:21-23 (NLT)

I alone know the plans I have for you, plans to bring you prosperity and not disaster, plans to bring about the future you hope for. Then you will call to me. You will come and pray to me, and I will answer you. You will seek me, and you will find me because you will seek me with all your heart. - Jeremiah 29:11-13 (GNB)

I will bless the person who puts his trust in me. He is like a tree growing near a stream and sending out roots to the water. It is not afraid when hot weather comes, because its leaves stay green; it has no worries when there is no rain; it keeps on bearing fruit. - Jeremiah 17:7-8 (GNT)

Lent, Day 36: I Stand Waiting

I'm a little lost in my own head today, so I'm going back to that old journal - it's so full of little gems! ;)

I Stand Waiting
I'm stuck in this high tower...
Just waiting for my valiant sire.
I look to you in this dark hour;
You are my phoenix, my fire!
I need comfort, deep & true;
I lift my eyes & wait for you!

Lent, Day 35: Everlasting

Well, I wanted to share another amazing worship song with you today, but for some reason it is not allowing me to embed the video... Here are the lyrics and a link to the video. I hope it speaks to you as it did to me, especially while considering the question "What fills you?"

http://youtu.be/RPrK3FP9Yrs

From the Inside Out by Hillsong United
A thousand times I've failed
Still your mercy remains
Should I stumble again
Still I'm caught in your grace
Everlasting, your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, your glory goes beyond all fame

Your will above all else
My purpose remains
The art of losing myself in bringing you praise
Everlasting, your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, your glory goes beyond all fame

In my heart, in my soul
I give you control
Consume me from the inside out
Let justice and praise
Become my embrace
To love you from the inside out

Everlasting, your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart is to bring you praise
From the inside out
Lord my soul cries out

Lent, Day 34: Let your light shine

We ended this amazing weekend with another great message from Cody Hodges. It was brief, but it was good. In it he reminded us that we are called to be missionaries. (I like what J. John said about missionaries not being people who cross the sea, but who see the cross.) But being a missionary is not all about evangelizing with our words, it also has to do with how we act. The Bible has no "sinner's" prayer, Jesus just tells us to repent. And "repent" literally means to turn around - so we are walking one way, doing things a certain way, until we meet Jesus and we make a 180 degree turn and start walking with Him, doing things His way. Cody told us that as Christians we are to look and act different from the world. He gave an example about Krispy Kreme and their "Hot Now" sign. Everyone knows that when that sign is lit you can not only order fresh donuts, but you can even get a free, fresh from the glaze shower, donut! So if you see that sign lit up, you just might stop in for a fresh taste. Well, as believers we are to reflect the light of Christ - is your light shining? Do people know they can stop by for a fresh taste of Christ's love?

Lent, Day 33: What fills you?

The Holy Spirit continued to use Cody to speak directly to my heart on Saturday night... He reminded us that God wants to fill us - He wants to fill us up with His Holy Spirit and completely satisfy us. But so many of us put our faith and hope in things of this world to fill us up, even though we know the Bible tells us they won't last. When Christ comes back all the things of this world will be destroyed forever, so why do we continue to look to them for fulfillment? Cody used the example of the woman at the well (find her story in John 4); she is a prime example of someone searching for fulfillment. This woman obviously thought she could find it with a man, so she went from man to man, husband to husband, never finding true satisfaction, true wholeness. So, Jesus exposes her incompleteness to her and tells her that He can fill her forever, that His satisfaction is not of the moment, but eternal! What a revelation! There truly is nothing and no one in this world who can fill you up and satisfy your soul like Christ!!

Lent, Day 32: Do you want to be healed?

The second night of YAR Cody Hodges spoke to us about how God wants to heal us. He basically waits for us to ask and He's right there ready and willing to make us whole! And, as an athlete, Cody has been healed from many physical injuries, but Friday night he was talking about the emotional hurts we carry. God sees those scars to our heart and He longs to remove them. But the devil likes to prey upon us when we slip up; when we go back to that comfortable sin, he likes to bring it up again and again and tells us that God wouldn't forgive us for that, that particular slip is just too much... But that is a blatant lie. God's grace covers us if we repent!

Of course, we cannot just ask for forgiveness and not allow Him to change us. Cody gave the example of the man Jesus healed at the pool at Bethesda in John 5:1-9. This passage tells the story of a man who was lame for 38 years! He sat by a pool with supposed healing powers, but was never able to or helped to get into the pool at the right time. When Jesus came passing through He asked this man, "Do you want to be healed?" You would think that the man's answer would be a swift, "YES!" but he answers with excuses as to why he wasn't healed already. How often do we do this? Jesus is asking if we'd like to be healed, but we go on carrying our emotional baggage and giving into familiar temptations because we're afraid of how much we'd change if we just let Him do His work in us! But Jesus longs to tell us to "Pick up our mat and walk!" So, how would you answer Him today - He's asking "Do you want to be healed?"

Lent, Day 31: Surrender

I love that when the Holy Spirit is trying to get something through to you, He brings it up again and again! For me lately, it's the idea of letting go, or surrender as our speaker this weekend expressed it. Cody Hodges spoke to us about how we cannot save ourselves. No matter how hard we try or how much we want to, we just cannot accomplish salvation on our own. Only God can do that for us!!

But what happens after we're saved? Isn't life supposed to change? Here's where the surrender comes into play - we have to give it all to Him, allow Him complete control of our lives in order to change. Our very identity has to get lost in Him! We are called to be imitators of Christ (Ephesians 5:1), but not cheap imitations of Him. And Christ's identity was in the Father, not in His miraculous works or His friends, but in His Father. Cody reminded us that we are all in process, and that we will be till the day we join heaven's ranks. So it takes daily surrender; it's not a one time, end all event - just as a marriage only begins at the wedding, so our relationship and growth in Christ only starts with salvation! He ended the first night with a great question: instead of trying harder, why not trust more? Isn't that why we hold on to things, because we don't trust Him with them? What an eye-opening question!

Lent, Day 30: I'm running to your arms...

So, it's that time of year again... Today started our annual youth convention - Youth-A-Rama! We have 13 teens with us this year, so we have two sponsors for the guys and two of us for the girls. Please pray for all of us, that it would be an amazing experience with God for each teen (and sponsor), that the teens would be safe as they play basketball and flag-football, that He would fill them with courage as they perform, and that we don't all drive each other completely crazy!! ;)

Anyway, in service tonight we sang one of my favorite worship songs that I seem to only hear here at YAR! I guess I'll have to purchase it... Here's a link to a video with the lyrics, I hope you watch & enjoy it as much as I do! http://youtu.be/mMknfsWrzN8

Lent, Day 29: Called to Freedom

All I have today is this passage from Galatians that really says it all and makes you think...

"For you were called to freedom, brothers and sisters; only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for self-indulgence, but through love become slaves to one another. For the whole law is summed up in a single commandment, 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself.'" - Gal. 5:13-14 (NRSV)

Lent, Day 28: G.O.S.P.E.L. - Propaganda

This is an amazing video about the Gospel of Christ and what it means for us! I hope you'll watch and enjoy!

Lent, Day 27: Refinement

Refinement
What can I say?
I need it again today...
Throw me back into the fire
Clear out this muck & mire.
I need your love
So I can rise above!

Lent, Day 26: All about Trust

A few thoughts on trust from what I've been taught... Trust is not a passive thing, you have to take a step toward Him. Take the leap and He will meet you! Trust by doing good and by committing everything to God, including and especially the desires of your heart.

And some thoughts from great minds...

"Believe in Him and not trust in Him? You might as well say, the Jews did love Him when they nailed Him to the cross." - Anthony Farindon

"Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God." - Corrie Ten Boom

"Faith is not belief without proof, but trust without reservation." - Elton Trueblood

Lent, Day 25: An oldie, but a goodie - from that old journal again. ;)

Firebird
I am a phoenix,
I am a bird consumed by fire,
But I am not the fire.
No, you are the one
Consuming me.
You are the fire,
I am just the bird,
The creature you refine.
And all I can call mine
Is my love for you.
The reason I grow
And allow this flame to start
Is that I long for you
To consume my heart!

Lent, Day 24: Seeking...

I desperately want you, for you fulfill your promises and offer true love and give blessings from above! I thank you for all these things and more - for making me, me and giving me the chore of discovering that you are you and your word is faithful and true. Thank you for making things complicated and confusing, for allowing us to rant and be frustrated as we uncover more of you. Thank you for being responsible, for paying the price, becoming the sacrifice. Without that I wouldn't be able to talk to you so freely or to ask you things directly. Without that we would still be ruled by laws and be ever fearful of death's unclenching jaws. Now we are free to know you and make you known, we are free to talk and yell and moan, and, best of all, to not fear the great unknown. Lord, I want you more than anything else because you want to know me above all else.

Lent, Day 23: Seek & you will find

More insight from a guest speaker named Sy Rogers. (This is why it's a good idea to keep notes - you get new insight when you go back and reread!)

Sy talked about how it's not really the existence of God that keeps getting called into question, it's His character. But we are limited on what we can know about God. And it's not like He's yelling at us, "you'd better trust me!!" Instead, He asks us, "learn about me?" He is deliberately mysterious, but He tells us if we seek, we will find. He hides things and covers them so that we may dig them up. His mystery invokes investigation. And our pursuit of Him is proof of our desire! For you can never find or have what you are not willing to pursue. Sy also points out that God tells us in scripture that His thoughts, His ways are above ours and therefore they confuse and frustrate us as they seem frightening and unpredictable. But, you CAN trust His character and His love for you. Here he quoted Corrie Ten Boom: "Faith is trusting God is good when you have reason to believe otherwise." Next Sy surprised me by telling us to blame God - you're going to anyway! And He will be responsible for both what and who He is and for your path. In fact, Jesus dying on the cross was Him taking responsibility; He owned up and fixed things. Lastly he reminded us that God is nice to us, He does not treat us as we deserve. For this he referenced Psalm 103 and Jeremiah 15:19 which both speak to God's love and redemptive nature!

Lent, Day 22: Letting Go

Apparently that old journal is full of goodies. ;)

Letting Go!
I have given up the driver's seat,
I no longer want to steer.
All I seem to do is drive nowhere.
For the most part
I make a kind of art
Out of making plans
And not letting go!
I go & go, and drive a wedge
Never thinking to give it up,
To let go and move aside,
To hand you the wheel & the keys.
What a difference it's made
Just to sit and talk,
To allow for help on this long walk.
You know where we're going
For you made the map.
And for now I'll sit in your lap
As you hold me safe
For this dangerous stretch
And keep me strong for the next!

Lent, Day 21: Know Jesus & make Him known

I was looking through an old journal again and I came across an entry of notes from a Sunday in New York when J. John was visiting. His message that morning syncs with the message of Stewardship/Evangelism that God's been teaching me recently through our revival and Ps. Zack the past couple Sundays. Anyway, here's what J. John had to say:

* A missionary is not someone who crosses the sea, but someone who sees the cross.

* Reach the world by reaching your world - cultivate the relationships you've already got.
       1. Pray intentionally for them - talk to God so much about them and it will be easy to talk to them about Him!
       2. Care for them (Matt. 5:14) - convey the message through presence; a lighthouse makes no noise, but it's seen.
       3. Share the good news (2 Cor. 9:6) - sow the seeds of the fruits of the Spirit and feed people on an as need basis.

* Your friends should be able to say: "My friend built a bridge from him to me and Jesus walked over it!"

Lent, Day 20: A little more about me

I found this in a journal from last year and thought it would be an appropriate post on a day when I have a fitting in a few hours. :)

I really liked what one lady on season 10 of Project Runway claimed to be. She said she was a "non-fashionista fashionista" because she designed for her aesthetic and if you didn't get it, move on, basically. I love the new term, non-fashionista fashionista, but not for her reasons. I am one because I love fashion, but it is not my life. I am one because I do not design for the masses and do size 00 runway shows, but I design for all women and hope all shapes and sizes will want to/be able to model my pieces! I have been told time and time again that as a plus size woman, I should design plus size clothing, but it's not about that, I'm not about that. I design with the individual in mind because every person (I just have a heart specifically for fellow women) is affected by what they wear and needs to know they are beautiful. They need to know and experience their specific and personal beauty so that they can walk confidently and be comfortable in their skin. That is why I do what I do. And that is why I'm a non-fashionista fashionista, because my designs are every bit about the person in the clothes as the name on the label. It takes two to tango and it takes two to make the dress!

Lent, Day 19: Can fear be deliberate?

Do we choose to be afraid? Not things like bugs, heights, or small spaces. But fear of rejection, the future, the unknown or uncontrollable... Doesn't God tell us He's got it ALL under control, it's ALL in His more than capable hands? So why do we worry? Why are we so afraid of what might happen? Or if what He promised will actually happen? It's something I struggle with because I want to feel in control of my situation, my life. But none of us are ever completely in control, if we were it would be a very different world I think. Pastor Zack prayed that God help us overcome our willfull fear this morning and it opened my eyes to my own willfull anxieties. And that reminded me of how He really is my friend that exposes and teaches. I know He is teaching me how to live without fear, in fact He's already told me that is a huge part of my journey to and during school in Australia. Not to mention that my favorite verse has always been 1 John 4:18: "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love."

Lent, Day 18: He was here

Been there, done that...
I have been where you are,
I have seen what you see.
Do you not believe me?
Can you not see?

I was betrayed,
Suffered heartache and pain.
I took it all for you,
Became the lamb that was slain.

So please don't forget,
Don't just walk away;
I'll carry your burdens,
Day after day!

Lent, Day 17: Thoughts on Stewardship

Can you tell I like quotes? What can I say, I love being enlightened and inspired by great minds... So, here are some quotes about stewardship - something I think we believers brush over.

"Tithing is not about you giving 10%, it's about you contributing to the ministry of the community around you." - Jeremiah Bolich

"Where I was born and where and how I have lived is unimportant. It is what I have done with where I have been that should be of interest." - DL Moody

"Worship is giving God the best that He has given you. Be careful what you do with the best you have. Whenever you get a blessing from God, give it back to Him as a love gift. Take time to meditate before God and offer the blessing back to Him in a deliberate act of worship. If you hoard a thing for yourself, it will turn into spiritual dry rot, as the manna did when it was hoarded. God will never let you hold a spiritual thing for yourself; it has to be given back to Him that He may make it a blessing to others." - Oswald Chambers

Lent, Day 16: Stewardship

More revival insight from Ps. Jeremiah Bolich...

In Revelation 3:7 Jesus introduces Himself as the one "who is holy and true, who holds the key of David" (NIV). What does it mean that Jesus holds this key? It is only mentioned one other time - in prophesy in Isaiah 22:22 where God is promising to remove a fame hungry steward from his role in the palace and give the "key to the house of David" to Eliakim instead. You see, Eliakim would not use his power and authority to get only himself into the Kingdom, but to get all of Israel into the Kingdom. He would see the nation as a father sees his children - he looses himself in service to them!

Stewardship is not all about money as is so often thought. It's more about Jesus asking, "Did you give to all I would give to?" Everything you have is your area of stewardship. And a good steward sees the talents and abilities they've been blessed with and embraces them and accepts that Jesus will make them a pillar of ministry where He has placed them. They respond to His guidance, "I accept responsbiblity for the place you've put me."

We also briefly discussed the book of James, specific verse 1:1 where James introduces himself as a servant. Throughout the rest of the book he refers to us and our relationship with God and each other in a family language, so why refer to himself as a servant? Paul explains that you recognize a child of God because they are servants (Philippians 2:5)! You don't serve to better yourself, but that your master might be bettered. And servant can be translated as slave, which is the lowest position in the house - this implies I'll do whatever it takes, because I want to be in your house!

Lent, Day 15: Friendship quotes

Tonight our youth pastor spoke to the teens about asking for help. He discussed the story of Joshua helping the people of Gibeon defeat the Amorites. The people of Gibeon had made a treaty with Joshua and when they were threatened they did not hesitate to ask for help from this man of God. And Joshua did not hesitate in going to God with a request to hold the sun still so they could complete the battle. The sun delayed setting for a full day! The Bible says there's never been another day like it (Joshua 10:14)!!

This discussion on asking for help reminded me of God's desire for our friendship! And so I leave you with a few quotes on the love of a friend:

“Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art.... It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things which give value to survival.” - from The Four Loves by CS Lewis

"It is one of the blessing of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Friends show their love in times of trouble, not in happiness." - Euripides

"It is only the great hearted who can be true friends. The mean and cowardly, Can never know what true friendship means." - Charles Kingsley

"When you choose your friends, don't be short-changed by choosing personality over character." - W Somerset Maugham

Lent, Day 14: Chosen friend

We recently had a revival at ENC and the guest speaker gave amazing insight that I would love to share. He spoke to us from Revelation chapters two and three where Jesus addresses the seven churches. For each church He introduces Himself with a scripture based phrase of a name that speaks to who He is, but also to who they are. He does this because He wants us to be like Him, to do the things He does. He then speaks to that specific church in their context of living, and concludes with a result He wants to see.

In verse 3:19 He states "those whom I love, I rebuke and discipline" (NIV). This is often brought up as evidence that God is not loving - how could a loving God allow the evil, the disastrous to happen? But we have to understand that He allows the consequences of our sin because He loves and He hopes it will wake us up. Picture Jesus standing between you and hell and saying, "If you really want in there, if you really want to believe the devil's perspective over mine, you're going to have to go through me! And I'm going to fight. And you're going to get bruised and beaten. And you're not going to enjoy getting in there!"

The word for love in this verse describes a friend type of love, a chosen love, a love different from the sacrificial "agape" love. This chosen, friendship love implies two people participating in a relationship. In fact, Exodus 33:11 is proof that God longs for a friendship with all of us! Also, in this verse "rebuke" can be translated to "expose" - so He exposes and teaches those He has chosen to love as friends! Instead of harsh rebuke He offers eye-opening conversation that promises to teach and edify us. So, they question remains, is Jesus your friend? Would friendship that opens your eyes and teaches describe your relationship with Him?

Lent, Day 13: Never on my own

I really enjoyed the 2012 version of Les Mis! The story of inner struggle and the search for real forgiveness is so poignantly expressed... Now I want to read the book! ;) Anyway, I like Eponine as a character and totally feel her pain as a hopeful romantic myself. Haven't we all lived the turmoil of unrequited love at some point? But this beautiful song got me thinking of my romance with The King. It is so amazing to know that I do not have to love Him "on my own," that He shares my love, that He accepts and gives His in return. And even when the night is over and the river is just a river, He loves me!! The crazy thing is, He loves you just the same! I pray He opens your eyes to your romance together as you listen to Eponine's longing...

Lent, Day 12: Give God the Glory

Tonight was Give God the Glory Sunday at our little church in Euless and it was amazing. As I make progress toward C3 College, the Lord keeps confirming that I'm headed in the right direction. And tonight was no different - almost every other testimony given had a word from the Spirit that made me go, "Okay, I know I'm doing the right thing." ... One man spoke of how amazing it is to know that the Creator of the universe stands at the door and knocks, that He longs to "sup" with us. He explained how to "sup" with someone is rather intimate, it's all about communing with them and getting to know them on a deeper level. He was amazed that God wants to not only listen to us, but to speak with us, to get to know us and to reveal Himself to us. That is exactly what He did that Sunday morning back in November! Then another person spoke about God's promise to provide. She told of how He asks the impossible, but He doesn't leave it in our hands. He says, "Do this for me." and, once we've responded, He gives us the resources to carry it out. What an awesome reminder that He will provide a way for me to accomplish all He has planned, all He has asked of me. And finally, another gentleman spoke of what a privilege it is to answer God's call. In fact, he asked us to end the evening by singing an old hymn called "Where He Leads Me," which speaks to the great trust we can have in His call, that He will never lead us astray.

It was very encouraging to hear these words from Heaven as I recorded my audition material this evening after everyone left! I so needed the uplifting of the Spirit before I faced that challenge. And that challenge became a second, miniature version of GGG night as I just praised Him while being taped. Actually, after the recording I just wanted to keep singing... I think I may have gotten the bug, so to speak. ;)

Lent, Day 11: One Thing Remains

We sang this amazing song during praise and worship this morning and I had to share! Here's a video with the lyrics because they are so, so powerful!!

Lent, Day 10: Unwrapped Mini Collection

Here are the sketches as promised. Totally feel like one of these dresses is "for" someone - I've sketched designs before and had a friend tell me they had seen themselves in that dress in either a vision or a dream. God is so good, and I know that He was the one who designed these beauties. I'd love to know if He's shown one to you before!

Oh, I'll color them and post the update soon. :)

Lent, Day 9: Help!

I need your help! I've found this amazing scholarship that does not require me to write an essay or meet specific requirements. And the great news is it would completely cover my tuition for all three years at C3 College and give me some money to put toward school loans from my time at Pratt Institute!! The scholarship works like a lottery, so the more times my name is entered the better. Here's where you come in: you can register to be my sponsor. When you become my sponsor, my name is entered into the drawing again! So, I could use as many sponsors as possible... Please follow the link below and register!

http://www.gotchosen.com/ProfileViewer/tabid/88/userId/184254/Default.aspx#

Thank you so much for your support!

Lent, Day 8: I Need Thee

Last spring a good friend gave me a piece of great advice about my debate about going to Australia, staying in the DFW area and maybe starting a business, or moving back to NYC to pursue a job in fashion. She thought of each pursuit and told me she thought I should pursue school with C3 because it was the one action where I would totally have to rely on God. The other pursuits I could do in my own strength, but not moving past my fear and finances to attend worship leadership training - I would really need Him for that. This is what I kept thinking of that Saturday in November when I kept singing "I Need Thee"...

I Need Thee (Chorus)
I need Thee, O I need Thee;
every hour I need Thee;
O bless me now, my Savior,
I come to Thee.

Lent, Day 7: A journey of faith

In light of my last post, I feel compelled to inform you of the impossibility God has called me to pursue. First you must know that for years I debated whether or not to pursue this course of action because I wanted to be sure that it was His will and not something I thought would be a good experience. Anyway, my church in New York (C3 Manhattan) is based out of Sydney, Australia and they have a ministry training college in Sydney. Since before I lost my job in November of 2008 I thought of attending this college for worship leadership/vocal training, but I would only half-heartily look into it as I wanted to be sure it was Him directing me there.

Well, this urge to attend would happen about every six months or so - right around the time of enrollment - and I would pray for clarity while I researched the possibility. I started out thinking I'd go for the one year program and come home, but the more I thought about it the sillier it seemed to go for a year, so I looked at what the two year program encompassed and I was pretty comfortable with that idea. The longer program sounded cool, but made the stage fright grow within me as I imagined pursuing this for three years! But I couldn't get it out of my head, the idea of going to school for worship for three years... It sounds so frighteningly thrilling!

So, I "put out a fleece," so to speak. The Friday after Thanksgiving 2012 I prayed and asked God for a final bit of clarity. I needed Him to tell me one way or the other that weekend so I could either pursue attendance or move on. God is good, all the time! He quickly and completely responded to my request! Here's what happened...

That weekend my sister and I happened to be dog sitting and so on Saturday I was "stuck" with the dogs while Rach was at work. The whole day I was singing the old hymn "I Need Thee" while watching movies and snuggling with the dogs. I finished one movie and decided I wanted to watch something shorter so I perused our friend's DVR and went with an episode of Cupcake Wars. Rach and I had already watched a couple, so I started the third or fourth down the list. Well, that particular episode celebrated the career of Cody Simpson! I had no idea who he was before I started watching, but I knew God was working when I happened to pick that episode - Cody Simpson, for the rest of those who had no idea like me, is an Australian pop star!! So, the entire competition incorporated traditional Australian cuisine and decorations celebrating music and performance! It may seem too odd or small to be God, but I know that's who picked that episode on that particular day at that particular house. It just couldn't be coincidence.

And here's why... He didn't stop with an episode of Cupcake Wars, our conversation of confirmation continued that Sunday. During worship the Holy Spirit filled our sanctuary and overwhelmed us, so much so as to interrupt our plans and have our music director sing "I Need Thee" in place of our planned prayer chorus. Well, I was so overcome that I had to kneel on stage before "prayer time" actually began (which if you know me is a BIG deal, something I never did before). After we got through the song, once our pastor came up to pray, God began to speak. He reminded me of the daunting stage fright that has weighed on me, and grown, since I froze during a performance at the age of 9. He pointed out that that was almost 20 years of fear, 20 years of limitation. And just after He spoke of those 20 years, Pastor Zack was talking about how there is no statute of limitations with God, He can still work in an area where we've struggled for 20 years! What a confirmation!

Then, while we were still in prayer, God spoke to me about relocating. You see, I had been looking into moving for work and had decided that I was definitely worth relocating for the right job with the right company. So He reminded me that we had already decided that I was valuable enough for a company to relocate, why was I not valuable enough to relocate myself? And that brought up a whole other area for Him to heal as I have struggled with my inherit value to society as a writer/vocalist - would anyone really want to hear my lyrics, listen to my voice? But, in that moment He reminded me that when I'm using my words and my voice for His glory, they are of great value!

The only other question I had for Him was about the cost - how will I get there? How will I pay for school and life for three years? He just seemed to laugh and all I could respond with was, "Okay, I'll go." And still today I have to remind myself of what faith says... "I don't see how it's going to happen, but I trust you."

Lent, Day 6: Faith, the ultimate trust fall

Faith gets a sad rap these days... Not necessarily a "bad rap," but undoubtedly a sad one. Most people speak of faith in a broad, undefined sense. For example, if a friend is suffering from anything from a death in the family to financial struggles to even a lack of direction, so many of us respond with "Just have faith." Well, what does that mean? It's a term for belief in something, but if someone told me to "just believe" I think I'd be left wanting more.

The Bible defines faith as "being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see" (Heb. 11:1, NIV). This is such an amazing concept! By this definition, I do not just "believe" that what I hope for will happen and that my God is real, I am sure of it, certain in fact... I KNOW it to be true. With this knowledge, faith becomes a verb - we TRUST. Hebrews 11 offers a break down of faithful people from the Old Testament. In it we are told what these great men did to be called "faithful" - all of them said, "I trust you" when God told them about the impossible. Can you imagine? Abram was told to move, to pack up and leave his family, not knowing where God was leading him or when he would get to stop and call some new place "home." And his reaction was, "Okay." And God asked Noah to quit his regular tasks and build an enormous boat on dry land in a time before rain! And Noah said, "Sure."

This same God asks us to follow Him today. He asks us to trust that He will provide for us, satisfy our deepest desires, comfort us, deliver us, protect us, speak for and through us, etc. He longs for you to respond in faith, to look at Him and say, "I don't see how it's going to happen, but I trust you."

Lent, Day 5: Some insight on faith

"I am trying here to prevent anyone saying the really foolish thing that people often say about Him: I’m ready to accept Jesus as a great moral teacher, but I don’t accept his claim to be God. That is the one thing we must not say. A man who was merely a man and said the sort of things Jesus said would not be a great moral teacher. He would either be a lunatic — on the level with the man who says he is a poached egg — or else he would be the Devil of Hell. You must make your choice. Either this man was, and is, the Son of God, or else a madman or something worse. You can shut him up for a fool, you can spit at him and kill him as a demon or you can fall at his feet and call him Lord and God, but let us not come with any patronizing nonsense about his being a great human teacher. He has not left that open to us. He did not intend to."
                                      - CS Lewis, Mere Christianity

"Faith is not the belief that God will do what you want. It is the belief that God will do what is right."
                                      - Max Lucado, He Still Moves Stones

"Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God."
                                      - Corrie ten Boom

"All I have seen teaches me to trust the Creator for all I have not seen."
                                      - Ralph Waldo Emerson

"None of us knows what might happen even the next minute, yet still we go forward. Because we trust. Because we have Faith."
                                      - Paul Coelho, Brida

Lent, Day 4: Big Daddy Weave - "Redeemed"

I feel like I'm taking the easy way out with all these references to other sources, but I can't help it. Psalm 130 also reminds me of an amazing song by Big Daddy Weave. If you've never heard "Redeemed," please listen to it here and now and let the message touch your heart as you claim it for yourself.

Lent, Day3: ... But you offer forgiveness!

I've been reading through the Psalms during my nightly devotionals, and this one stuck out last night. Psalm 130 reminds of this message of God revealing our nakedness, our despair, and clothing us with righteousness and glory that has been recurring for me lately. It's an amazing Psalm:

From the depths of despair, O Lord,
    I call for your help.
Hear my cry, O Lord.
    Pay attention to my prayer.

Lord, if you kept a record of our sins,
    who, O Lord, could ever survive?
But you offer forgiveness,
    that we might learn to fear you.

I am counting on the Lord;
    yes, I am counting on him.
    I have put my hope in his word.
I long for the Lord
    more than sentries long for the dawn,
    yes, more than sentries long for the dawn.

O Israel, hope in the Lord;
    for with the Lord there is unfailing love.
    His redemption overflows.
He himself will redeem Israel
    from every kind of sin.

Lent, Day 2: Unwrapped...

This poem goes along with a mini collection that came to mind late one night when the Holy Spirit basically said, "Wait!" as I tried to fall asleep. He wouldn't let me rest before I sketched an idea that sparked the mini collection and these words. I will post sketches later this week, so for now...

Unwrapped
In your presence I am undone
As you unfurl my iniquities
So we may become one;
A creature of magnificent beauty.

You unwrap my robes of selfishness,
Lust, gluttony, and deceit.
You work to uncover my nakedness
After my Self admits defeat.

Finally you wrap me in your Righteousness,
Clothe me with Overcoming Glory,
And teach me to wear Faithfulness
As you reveal my part in your story!

Lent 2013...

I want to write more for Lent again this year, but I'm a little late... So, I'm going to update twice a day for about a week to catch up. Hopefully this year I will form a habit, and it won't be another year of just 40 posts during the Lenten season. Please pray with me that that is the case.

For some reason the story of Hosea, along with the story of Jerusalem as an adulterous wife, has resonated with me lately. I think it's comforting to know that God truly loves us no matter what. And it reminds me of something I heard at Revival last week: Jesus loves us so much that he stands between us and Hell and says, "I love you. And if you want to get in there, you're going to have to go through me! It won't be easy, and you'll be a mess by the time you get there, because I'm going to fight for you!" (Isn't that the kind of love we all long for?!)

Anyway, the story of Jerusalem as an adulterous wife can be found in Ezekiel 16. If you want to read it, you can find it here: http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Ezekiel%2016&version=NLT. I must warn you that is very blunt, and quite hard to read, but in the end His grace abounds: "And I will reaffirm my covenant with you, and you will know that I am the Lord. You will remember your sins and cover your mouth in silent shame when I forgive you of all that you have done" (Eze. 16:62-63).