Unmasked

We often speak of wearing a mask, or even having many different faces. So many of us are one person for one set of friends and then we change our mask and we are someone completely different for the next set of friends. We work so hard to be a certain person or to at least appear to be a certain person that we often loose sight of ourselves. We wear the mask so often and for so long that we begin to become the mask. So much so that we are afraid to take off the mask, even when we are alone. Why can’t we just be real? Why can’t we just let the opinions and expectations of others fall away to be replaced by those of God? Why not focus on Him and allow Him to peel the mask away and reveal the beauty of what’s underneath?

And what happens if we do that? What happens when we allow His light to shine wholly on our face? From my own experience I can tell you that we try to hide certain things. We don’t want the whole mask to fall away or the light to shine on the entire room. We shove things under the bed or stuff them in the closet. The Bible tells us that whatever is hidden in the darkness will be brought into the light at the end of time. So, why do we prolong the inevitable? I know that the darkness can be comfortable and the idea of revealing the dirt, so to speak, is frightening. But, that’s what we are called to do. And by letting go of our own expectations and letting the world know that Christians are human and it’s all by His grace that we are saved, all this brings us a freedom like none other! We are free to love by sharing life with each other, instead of wasting our energy on a life of striving to meet unreasonable standards. What a different world it would be if we were all completely transparent with ourselves and each other?!

Wings

I wrote this a while back, but it's still a good one. :)

I blow in the wind,

And feel your gift of rain.

I ruffle my petals

On this silent subway train.

But my soul cries out:

I can't just sit forever!

I long to be near you,

Flying high together.

And when I am quiet

I feel you near me,

You give me wings

And eyes so I can see!

I float into the sky and soar,

For I'm a tethered butterfly no more!!

Romancing the Soul ;)

I have heard that filling your mind with fairytales and romantic stories is not good for your emotional stability. Some people think that they only pollute your mind with silliness and encourage you to live by your emotions and create unreasonable expectations. They say that you begin to think that your husband should only act like the men in our fantastical narratives, that you set yourself up for disappointment by clinging to stories full of romance.

But, I would beg to differ. Maybe if you allow yourself to be unforgiving about your expectations, maybe if you allow bitterness to dig a little deeper every time those expectations aren’t met, maybe then you are setting yourself up for a life of disappointment. But, God calls you to these stories for a reason. Your heart is attracted to them because you know, however deep down, that there is a real Prince Charming out there. And, no, maybe He doesn’t always do things as expected, but His love is real and pure and true. He loves you so very much that His life is focused solely on finding you and proving His love again and again. He leads you to these stories because He wants to have that with you. He longs to romance your heart.

And I am grateful for His love. For, in loving Him, I am free to love others. To love them without lofty expectations or selfish intentions, but only when I remember to direct my love to Him first.

*“Myths are stories which confront us with something transcendent and eternal.” - Roland Hein

Splendor & Victory

This is an opportunity for you

To tell the world

That no matter what they say

About you

Whether to your face

Or behind your back

You ARE a child of the King!

Whatever might have happened,

Whatever you might have done

Was washed away

When He adopted you,

His daughter, His son!

Whatever is behind you

Is now history

As He clothes you in

Splendor & Victory!

So, sing like no one is listening,

Dance like no one’s watching

Because God’s glory

Is yours!

God's Love

Sorry it's been so long... I'm so bad at updating regularly, I will try to be better about it in the future.

Anyway, this is something that came to me while trying to figure out how to describe the romantic aspect of God's love. A few of my friends struggle to relate to this characteristic of His. I hope this helps, even if it's just a little...

By pursuing us God tells us, "I see you. I see ALL of you, and I'm NOT walking away. I see value in you. I see something in you that I want, that I need. I see a beauty in you that I want to draw out. I see an irreplaceable companion that I need beside me on my great adventure!"

This is something we all long to hear, no matter how cynical you are. It's okay to admit it here, no one has to ever know. ;)

Teaser Trailer

On a personal note, I have been feeling pulled in three different directions and am trying to figure out where to go first. I know that I will arrive at all three places at some point in my life, but I need God to let me know which one is my place for right now. If you feel led to, please pray for me about this decision and the strength & courage to do my part once the decision is made.

In the meantime, here's a little blurb with my thoughts about my future husband. I thought it was a pretty cool analogy...

Thank you God, for the confidence that he IS out there and that he IS coming soon. Like a highly anticipated movie, I've seen the trailer and read the synopsis, now I cannot wait to watch!! I know the release date is soon, but "the powers that be" aren't quite ready to announce them yet. Part of me wishes they would, but another knows it will be worth the wait, no matter how long, and rests in that confidence. I have to be thankful for the teaser and for the summary, some aren't even that assured. For now, you are my rock and on that I stand firm and rest easy.

Blemishes

This is a bit gross, but I thought it was an interesting analogy. It's also a very true metaphor for my lifelong struggles. ;)

I am so tired of being a spiritual teenager! I constantly create blemishes as I stress out and try to rely on my own strength in life. God, in His infinite wisdom, brings these blemishes to a head, so that the toxin can be released and I can heal. But, in my foolishness, I often try to release the toxin too quickly and by using my own strength. This just creates a sore that takes even more time to heal. I am so ready to grow up and allow God to cleanse my heart for good! Dear Lord, create in me a pure heart!

Voice

This is a bit personal, but I just read something that reminded me to share, even when I thought it was too personal or mundane. So, here goes...

As of late, I have been rather depressed and despondent, ready to pack up and move back to my old life. I’ve thought of leaving dreams behind and starting over in a new direction. I know that this is a season of growth and learning, but growing pains hurt. And there is no Tylenol to lessen the pains of the heart or quiet the stretching of the mind. I know that I need to step back and allow God to do what He’s doing, but there are times when all I want to do is invade the driver’s seat and steer for a while. Especially when I feel like my voice is gone, it’s never heard or, at least, it’s never met with open ears. I’m not saying that I have the best advice around, or that everyone should just listen to me rattle on all day long. But, I would like some acknowledgement or to know that my concerns and opinions are of value. Don’t just talk over me or shove me in a corner. If I matter and you want me to listen, maybe you should lock your lips every once in a while. I don’t mean to step on toes, and if it makes you feel better, I just stepped on my own – how often have I made God feel this way. “Oh, you have something to say, God. Well, just let me finish… Wait, that made me think of this… Oh, and… What was it you wanted to tell me? Oops, I gotta go, it’s time for...” Maybe if I stopped to listen I would be a little more fulfilled and His words would come pouring out, whether someone’s listening or not. That’s my prayer for tonight – may I lock my lips long enough for His message to become my heart song, a song so loud it reverberates out of me!

Phoenix Log

So, I had thought about starting another blog called "Phoenix Log." It'd just be the thoughts & intrigues of the "superhero"; a semi-fictional take on the spiritual battles of everyday life. But I'm not sure that it's such a good idea, considering I have a hard time keeping up with one blog. Anyway, here's an entry for Phoenix Log, let me know what you think...

After gaining the victory over a tiny, yet troublesome battle in this great war, I pray that I can, once and for all, leave self contempt at the door. I have fought her and fought her, always thinking "Never again!" But Contempt always crawls back for more. She's quite cunning at being normal, a seemingly simple motivational tool. I know all the words to beat her down, and with the authority of the Spirit, His sword swings ever true. But, where do I draw the line of being always content, but never satisfied? How do I strive for the best me there can be AND love me as I am? I guess this is where the full armor of God comes in handy. Though I think Paul may have missed a piece, for I often need "goggles of grace" so I can look my self in the face.

~PF

My apologies...

So, my computer died... in November. And, over the last few months I have realized that it's quite hard for me to blog on the family PC. The whole idea that someone could read this over my shoulder is daunting, which is funny considering this is available for the world to read. And it's all about freedom, truth, beauty and love, so what am I trying to hide anyway. It's just that most of my writing is very personal and I've deluded myself that no one is really reading this anyway, even though I secretly hope that's not true. ;)

All that to say, sorry for not updating for over three months! I'm back! With more to say and, hopefully, with more images too. Here are my thoughts after reading John 12 during my church's creative worship service on Sunday...

I love that in verse 2 of John 12 it says that Lazarus reclined at the table with Jesus. This is the same Lazarus that Jesus had recently raised from the dead. How often do we just sit, recline, and join Jesus at the table, resting in His presence? Don't we usually fill our time with to do lists? Especially after being faced with death? Most people would have made a "bucket list" and went out to check off all the activities they want to do before permanently dying. I wonder how many write "wait on God" or "rest in the presence of the Lord" on their bucket list. But, why not? You would think it would be the most thrilling thing to do: drink in some living water. I think Lazarus had it right.

Forget Martha & Mary, I want to be like Lazarus - thanking Jesus for saving my life by resting at His table!